Losing someone is never easy. The quote that always comes to mind for me is ” The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart; the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death”.
I have always wondered how my cousin copes with the loss of her mother especially during the holidays. Jamaira and my aunt Santonya were the perfect duo. My aunt was a SUPER SINGLE MOM, weather it was styling my cousin hair or making her the most fashionable kid in her class. So when tragedy struck it was hard to see that smiling face go, but through everything the legacy and the lives Aunt Santonya lives on here is a first time look from Jamaira.
Jamaira: A great memory is her being a hair stylist because I never had to worry about getting my hair done, and also sleeping with her I was pretty much a mama’s girl and I slept with her till I was 15 all the way up until she passed away.
MomTea: How old were you when your mother passed? Do you remember what caused her death? And how do you remember that day happening?
Jamaira:I was 15 and I remember it as an everyday morning we both where getting ready for school and color contacts where in then lol so I was calling her to help me and she didn’t answer that’s when I found her in the room on the floor. The cause was a ruptured brain aneurysm.
MomTea: Did anyone step in and play the motherly role? Who was your support?
Jamaira:At the time My family as a whole stepped up to make sure I was okay and at that point every women that was in my life started to play a mother role from aunts, and my mom close friends , and many friends of the family became a mother to me in their own way. My uncle and his wife were the only people who made sure if I felt like I needed professional help to let them know. So the summer of my Junior year I was put in a grieving camp for children who lost love ones and it was the most amazing experience I’ve had. It was my first time going to a summer camp and it was all around helpful to be around people my age and even younger that were going through the same type of experience. It help me deal with the loss emotionally and help me look for the good in the tragedy itself.
MomTea:Are their times when you reflect and feel as though you need your mothers support?
Jamaira:It really didn’t hit me that I needed her the most until I started college because that’s a point when I had to transition from a teenage to a young adult. Also I had my daughter at 21, so that was a big hit because as a women when you have your first child your mother is your biggest supporter. It hit me hard then because I wasn’t able to have her there to teach me and show me things.
Jamaira: When it comes to discipline yes because my mother just yelled at me she never really whooped me or physically disciplined me until I got older so I feel myself at times doing that but I try to withdraw from it cause I didn’t like to be yelled at so much lol. In other aspects not at all because my mom was very creative and I’m far from it I feel like I’m a boring mom compared to her cause I’m always so focused on providing and making my daughter has what she needs.
MomTea:Things that you did/didn’t learn from your mom?
Jamaira: This is the hardest question because I felt like as I was getting older my mom didn’t go into teaching things a young lady would need to know for whatever her reason was. The only lesson I can think of is since she loved kids, even though I was an only child I was never alone. I didn’t like to share at all and I feel like she tried to instill in me at an early age to share and always be a helping hand to people less fortune because that was something she was really big on.
MomTea: Encouraging words you would give to others in similar situation?
Jamaira:This is hard to say because I find myself still grieving and coping with her being gone but I would be honest and say its hard especially if your close to a parent that passes and it may not seem like it but it will eventually get better, but never question God because we are not made to understand why someone’s time is up and its best to keep positive thoughts about that person and remember what you learned and memories shared.
Through my cousin I have learned a valuable lesson though sometimes saying goodbye can be hard saying hello can be beautiful. Jamaira consistently shows strength and has over came so much her mothers legacy lives on in her as well as her children. The one thing I loved most about my aunt was her smile I’m forever grateful that my cousin has that same smile.