The mom with more than just a 9 to 5

Born Hustler

So I have never been the 9 to 5 type of girl. I mean you could always ask me as a child what I wanted to be and my answer was simple “lawyer” maybe it was my fascination with the beautiful Clair Huxtable or the fact that I was always a talker. I think my family noticed at a very young age that I was a go getter. I would go to my grandpa house in summer and he would take me to Sams Club to buy candy. Lucky me, for being the only grandchild at the time.  So I’d get home with boxes and boxes of candy and invite two or three of the neighborhood kids over to help me sale candy. I was always crafty and creative. I made signs and distributed them around the neighborhood. Even then I wanted to stand out so my candy shop had a delivery service which was just me telling the neighborhood kids get on your bike and drop this and that off to this address. I don’t even think I paid those kids they just wanted to be around me, I was the youngest out the group. Even then I knew that maybe a 9 to 5 or having one hustle just wasn’t for me.

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College

You think that hustle didn’t carry over to college? Well let me tell you it did I had an on campus job working twenty hours a week and taking sixteen credit hours, in a host of activities and I still made the time to do hair on the side. I mean I was doing multiple sew ins a week and staying on schedule with my studies. I don’t know if I was hustling for money or just to have something to do in my free time. Then came sophomore year which opened my eyes to a whole new money scheme. I’d charge people to do their homework, to copy mine or even just to make copies of my text-book. I mean we were all broke in college ninety-nine cent two piece Tuesday at Popeye’s kinda broke. I was a hustler in ever since of the word. So when did I lose my hustle.

The Transition

So after college is over your life is basically in transition there are those who luck up and work in their field and those who haven’t figured out their next move. I was the second type of person just drifting through employers just to make ends meat. Up until I realized that only having one hustle was never for me. I was working at a cell phone company with crazy hours and I had a new-born who I was taking care of by myself. Before the baby and even up to the week I delivered I was working doubles, weekends, driving to different locations just to prove I wasn’t letting anything stop me from getting to the money. Well after baby I had to live a more structured life, like home by 6:30. I was let go from a company I was loyal to. I suffered depression thinking how am I going to get the financial stability to support me and my baby. I live in a city with no family, had no job leads, no nothing.

Spark

Then it dawned on me just cause I had a baby should never stop my hustler mentality. Never let one stream of income be your only income. I didn’t want to invest into a pyramid scheme and annoy people. I wanted to have something or give something that people wanted so they would come to me. After months of looking for a niche I said yo T you love to write and you love Kai. That’s all the niche and motivation you need. Through trial and error I found my way. Now I knew my side hustle didn’t necessarily have to be something lucrative but it had to add purpose to my life. I figured I was tired of logging on to mommy sites and seeing nothing I could relate to or nothing being authentic.

Others

I want to end by talking about other. Now others is not just limited to family and friends but anyone who can be an other. For as long as I can remember people told me to pick career and stick to it. How could pick one thing and only one thing when I feel like I’m a multi talented person? Do you settle or do you step outside the limits. As a blogger I figured I could have both up until i cut out the other. I had to tell myself I’d be damn to leave this earth and not have it all. I wasn’t going to work one job collect benefits and get stuck working for someone all my life just to put on my resume that I’ve been here for 10+ years. So I took control and said I was going to work at a law firm full-time and still manage blogging and motherhood so thats exactly what I’m doing. For others maybe punching in and out is for them but me myself I’m a little to creative to let a 9 to 5 be my only 9 to 5. I’m going to be a mother, cook, writer, photographer, graphic designer and whatever else my heart tells me to be no limits baby. I encourage others who may have a dream to do more to act on it create a plan and just go for it. Failure is still a win because if you failed then you learned. Until next time.

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Here is to 2018

Well if you clicked on this article to read no parts of it is click bait. Wrestling with how to even get things out clearly. How do I muster up the courage to say “I’m pregnant”. This isn’t an old photo its my current reality. Writing has always been my release,my outlet, it began with journals then diaries. For as long as I can remember I’ve been writing.

Well let me be honest I wasn’t going to tell a soul about this pregnancy. I’ll take it a step further most of my friends and family don’t even know. I really had reservations and mixed emotions. I had more anxiety about this pregnancy than with my first. With Kai everything was new I was becoming a first time mom although getting pregnant my senior year of college wasn’t ideal I was determined to prove that I could be a mom. So far I had done just that finished school and all. Then it comes to this unexpected little one.

I don’t want anyone to guess, I’ll explain from my own perspective. I was getting to the point where people would say “Oh will you have more” I’d quickly reply no. Back in August a woman came to me bashing the idea of more children marriage basically everything most woman wish for eventually in life. Once they are settled stable and married. So after that speech I wrote off marriage,love children anything other than career, God travel and Kai.More children where not on my things to do. I was in a place with Kai’s dad where co parenting was making sense we had been together five years and no signs of taking any future steps. So the idea of being a mom of only one was perfect for me and became so happy with knowing I was almost done with terrible two’s. Laughing and bragging to my friends about how I had a big boy now and no longer had to tote around diaper bags.

When I saw those positive results, I was in shock. I asked what am I going to do with a second baby? Like God I have prayed to you been reading religiously how can such happen to me? First thought was Kai like he was my one and only my cuddle buddy, laughing partner my entire world how could me and him adjust from 1-2. God showed me that everything I assumed would be a problem had already been handled. Blessings came left and right within two weeks.

Next I talked to myself like Tearua your finally getting to sleep in on weekends. What are you thinking? Your almost over the wipping butt stage, have you lost your mind? I think I cried for three days. I mean I cried until I couldn’t no more. Can I really love another as much as Kai? How will he feel? what will my future be like with two kids?

Many assured me Tearua your not alone what ever you decide make the choice that you can live with. What no one told me is that, that decision would open so many other questions.

I really feel like a new mommy all over again. This pregnancy is much different from my first or has it been so long that certain things slipped my memory. Will I still know how to swaddle? Will this child be anything like Kai? I mean a lot of things I can’t answer. This is what I can do I can plan ahead as much as I can and knock out all my 2018 goals while Kai is away and I’m still fairly not noticeably pregnant.

Then the very last thing thats been on my mind is my blog. I mean its a hobby that I some times make money from but did I really have to explain this to y’all? Did I owe anyone a explanation? Well thats a 50/50 toss up. With Kai I waited until four months in to acknowledge pregnancy via social media but I wasn’t a blogger then and there was no brand. I had to go back to my blog purpose a platform to show other young moms that motherhood is possible. I may not have all the answers but this is about to be one heck of a journey.

This is what I do know so far anything that can be passed down from Kai will be past down like the crib, any budget cuts and shortcuts will be taken. Ultimately I will not stress this time. I’m not happy or excited but I do have my faith on my side. It may be early to announce could even bad luck but I’m going to be transparent. Maybe this will help someone maybe someone can help me.

Mommy & Kai take on Disneyland

Growing up I spent many holidays in Los Angeles with my family. I remember when we all packed up and went to Disney the only problem was I was afraid of rides and characters at the time.

My little one has had an obsession with Mickey Mouse since he could stand and we had already went to Disney on Ice countless times so what was next? Disneyland. Off we went on a 6am flight landed at LAX breakfast then on to Disneyland. What was even greater is that our tickets to the park where free talk about a savings and they came with fast pass so no waiting in line.

The park had plenty of rides for my little one who is thirty five inches tall. From turkey legs to the tea cups we had a blast. So much of a blast I looked into his stroller at only 7pm and he was sleeping mouth open and all.

I left the theme park with memories to last a life time. To see his smile and him jumping for joy was well worth the exhaustion that my body is feeling right now. Now we are on to Knotts Berry Farm to see Snoopie.

Back to Happy

Sometimes you have to step away and evaluate yourself, your goals and future. Every time I stepped away and looked at my life the word HAPPY continued to come to mind. I was seeking happiness in every area of my life career, family, body and relationship. I decided to break them down one by one.

Career

I’ve been at a company for several years that I’m not happy with. I’ve left came back and left , and came back AGAIN. It’s like a dysfunctional relationship with a man. The job isn’t hard I sit behind a desk for eight hours a day and then I go home. I’m paid little to nothing constantly forced to adjust to changes which is fine because I’m quick on my toes. I feel that I’m not using my skills or in the right field. This job was supposed to be something temporary to take care of the bills and maintain work while in school. Now its more like I settled. I’m currently dressing for the job I want and not the one I have. As well as perfecting my resume and putting my best foot forward.

Family

When it comes to family I’m just a little to trusting and forgiving. My heart is way to big I’m guilty. I let family move in with me trying to lend a helping hand and these were relatives I hadn’t heard from in fifteen years. Once I decided that it was hindering me more than given me a family bond I was seeking I gave them a date to move by. They left peacefully and I haven’t heard from them since so I’m guessing maybe in fifteen years from now they will reach out to me again and trust me that door will be closed. Now I will build stronger bonds with the family who have always been around, who make an effort to be in my life.

Body

It’s no secret I’m not happy with my current body. I weigh more now, than during my pregnancy with Kai. I blamed birth control which was not only reason for the weight gain. The other reasons are poor dieting, stress and lifestyle choices. I’ve spent more time focusing on how far I have to go then just starting. Even with my pregnancy I remained active and in the gym, so if I could do it then I know I’m capable of doing it now. I plan to enroll in boxing, as well as commit to working out three times a week and eating healthy.

Relationship

I have been with the same man all of my 20’s. I have grown, I’ve changed and I learned how to love. I must admit there where ups and downs but I wasn’t happy at the current state of things. I felt like the hamster on the wheel going in the same circle over and over with no more growth. I understood his point of marriage after success but what we’re working towards to reach success. He would say that I’m just trying to rush and shack up but when I logically ask myself is five years really a rush. I know my grandma didn’t raise me to be a forever girlfriend. So I decided to walk away, jump off the hamster wheel and try something different. I wanted to be content with my decision to walk away from all I’ve known. I would never give a man an ultimatum if you haven’t seen the potential in me in all those years then I may just not be the one. We will remain friends and co parent but sometimes people have to grow apart.

Ultimately happiness comes from within. If I don’t find a better job it’s because I wasn’t looking hard enough, If I don’t lose the weight its because I wasn’t working for it, and if I don’t get married its because I refused to settle for just anything just to change my last name. All in all when it comes to happiness first you have to change the things that make you unhappy. One by one and I trust everything will fall into place.

Mommy Maintenance

Before having Kai I was that girl who would never leave the house in sweats. Hair would be done, closet stocked with garments ohhhhh how have things changed. I will run out the house in yoga pants and a messy bun in a min. The one thing I couldn’t cut ties with in my maintenance routine is my nail spa days. It has been one of my favorite places my entire life. I feel so relaxed calmed and at peace. I prepare days before going to Pinterest to find the color and shape that I want to try next just gets me excited. Below I give my me time tips and tricks.

  1. Making time I usually find the time to go to my nail shop during the week after work while the toddler is at school, It gives me a much-needed break before I’m back in the world of MOMMY
  2. I take my iPad I could be watching Netflix or Hulu, or even reading
  3. I don’t answer my phone, I think its rude to my nail tech as well as this place is the most peace and quite I get for the week.
  4. THE MASSAGE – You know I’m paying extra for more time, I haven’t gotten a good sleep since 2014.

For me my safe haven may be the nail shop for you it could be the gym, library or something more simple like a glass of wine when the little ones are sleep. Finding that thing or place that allows moms to break free and relax for even just a second is necessary. I’m guilty of letting myself go in many ways after having a child. Motherhood can be overwhelming and demanding don’t be afraid to award yourself every once in a while. Until next time.

Tips Tuesday: Bedtime Reading

I began to read to Kai as a baby and somewhere I just fell off. I started to see how he became dependent on his tablet, or TV. As a parent this really bothered me one I didn’t have access to these types of devices as a child and secondly I wanted to get more hands on with the learning process. So I decided to bring back our bedtime reading.

  1. I purchase most of my books at Ross, TjMaxx or Marshalls, you find amazing children’s book a discounted prices.
  2. I created Kai a book shelf this way the books are organized and have a special place.
  3. I allow Kai to choose the book he wants to read, it gives him the chance to feel as though he is in control.
  4. I get into character I am very animated when reading to my little one it keeps his attention. Changing voices and using my hands for motions.
  5. I always involve him in the reading even if it means stopping and having him point to this or that image.

The goal in reading to Kai at night is to create a routine and to get him settled in for bed. I also want to encourage him to not be dependent on modern technology. I truly believe that learning begins in the home.  Until next time be sure to subscribe, like and share.