Sometimes it feels like I am the only person connected to my baby and pregnancy.
I know he is growing inside of my body. I know I’m constantly exchanging amazing chemicals with him and feeling him move. Of course I am going to be the most connected to him. But I shouldn’t be the only one feeling so connected to him, should I? I don’t remember it feeling this way with my last pregnancy. Although, my last pregnancy was my first one, and everything was so different then.
My last pregnancy was in 2019, pre-pandemic times. My husband was able to be way more involved. He went to every single appointment, which made it feel like he was really a part of the pregnancy too. We also had so much more free time. We would hangout for hours every single night, and he would rest his hand on my belly and patiently wait for kicks.
Everything was brand new to both of us, which made it feel like we were figuring this whole thing out together. We would always be looking up symptoms or foods I could or couldn’t eat, or activities I should or shouldn’t do. But now everything is different. Not necessarily in a bad way, it’s just different.
Our lives are so busy, it feels like there’s not a lot of time for feeling for kicks or talking to my belly. My husband works all day, then immediately jumps into dad-duty for the rest of the evening. We’ll eat dinner, play with our son for a little bit, clean up, and head upstairs for night-night time.
After he’s done putting Levi to sleep, we often only have a half an hour–if that–to hangout before I go to bed. We talk or watch TV or sometimes he’ll even just pass out for a while because he’s so exhausted. That doesn’t bother me at all; I feel the same way! During that time he’ll try to feel for kicks, but of course, the baby is rarely active then.
He’s also only been to two appointments so far. They were ultrasound appointments, and I am so grateful he got to go to them, but him not being there every time does make it feel like he’s a little separated from the pregnancy. Not that I would want him to go to every appointment this time around anyway, because there’s really no reason for him to be there.
It would be a total hassle to get our son babysat and have him take time off of work just to sit in the doctor’s office with me for an hour, most of which time is just spent waiting. I really would rather him not go for those reasons, but still. It does feel kind of weird that I’ve been working with this doctor throughout this whole pregnancy and she’s never even met my partner in all this.
And now that we’ve gone through the whole process of having a baby once before, there just aren’t as many questions and concerns. I’m not saying we know everything about pregnancy and babies, because of course we don’t, but we are familiar with how everything works and what true signs of concern look like. There’s really no need for us to sit and google stuff together and talk about what everything means or how we should prepare for birth and the baby. We talk about preparing for the baby a little bit, but it’s so much less extensive than last time since we already have an idea of what to expect.
I wouldn’t necessarily want to go back to how things were the first time around. We were so stressed out and nervous all the time. We grew closer than ever through figuring everything out together, but I am so happy we don’t have to go through that process again. It was a lot to handle and it feels good to be at the other end of it. Our lives are busy, but they’re also so full. We don’t have a lot of free time, but we love soaking up every minute we have with our little guy.
So, I’m not upset with my husband (or anyone) at all for not being more connected to this pregnancy. I know how excited he is to have another son, and I know he’s going to love this baby boy as much as the first. This is just kind of the way things are right now. It’s unfortunate that this pregnancy feels a little lonelier than the last, but it’s not the end of the world. Soon the baby will be out of my tummy and in our arms, and then my husband will have all the time in the world to bond with him.
For now, I’ll try to soak up this time in which it really feels like it’s just me and the baby, because soon enough I’ll have to share him with the world.
Motherhood can feel lonely in the strangest ways, but sometimes that’s part of what makes it feel so special, and that makes everything feel so complicated. And that’s the mom tea.
With Love,
Jennelle